I'm sure you have a million and one excuses as to why you can't go natural.  Is it the texture?  Is it unprofessional?  Will your man leave you?  Afraid of looking too masculine? 

Many women lack the courage to embrace themselves.  Years of indoctrination from family, friends and the media have crippled our ability to seek a path that's not riddled with self-doubt, self-hate or self-mutilation in the form of chemical burns.  For some of us it's not enough to know that relaxers are equivalent to putting Drano on your scalp.  Where many of us wear gloves to clean our toilet, we anxiously put chemical relaxers on our delicate scalps...you know, that protective layer of skin that guards our brain.  What are we thinking?...

My boyfriend/husband likes long hair.  He'd KILL me if I went natural.
What in the hell kind of woman are you?  I shouldn't even dignify this with a response.  A jackass that would leave you because you decided to stop putting poison on your scalp is the same jackass that would leave you if you gained 50 pounds...while pregnant.  If he loves you, he ain't going nowhere.  Put on a little...or a lot of weight and he'll still be poking you in the back at night. 

No one likes change.  We all fear it.  Your man is just speaking his fear.  Don't allow his fear to stop you from doing what's right for you. 

With that said, gaining 50 pounds for no medical reason may cause a bit of resent.  Are you letting yourself go?  Are you trying to lose weight?  If not to look like you did 50 pounds ago, you should be striving to lose the pounds for your health.  This concept goes hand-in-hand when it comes to going natural.  Just because you're natural doesn't mean you should walk around looking like you just rolled out of bed.  He will resent you and your new hair style if you don't care for it.  Keep it tight and he'll stand by you...no matter how stubborn and ignant his pre-natural commentary may seem he will be there for you in the end if you care for and love your natural in the same way that you cared for your relaxed hair.


My parents/friends are extremely negative.  I don't feel like dealing with their comments and questions.
Yeah, life sucks sometimes doesn't it?  Usually when those close to you hate on your decisions, they do so out of fear or concern...and sometimes they're just ignorant.  If the comments you're bound to get from family/friends have to do with how your choice in hair style will impact your job or ability to get a man, realize that they're speaking out of concern.  Try to not let it get to you. 

Instead of dwelling on the negative comments, SHOW them what natural beauty is.  Show them that you will be just as beautiful with natural hair as you are with relaxed hair.  Show them that you're fly no matter what because you ARE that Phenomenal Woman. 


Like what you've heard.  Maya Angelou, one of the most prolific poets of our time, inspires, connnects and rejects a history of pain, degradation and inferiority.  Find the Phenomenal Woman in you. Buy Maya Angelou Poetry

I'm a strong believer in the fact no one can cut you down if you believe and see beauty within yourself.  Now with that said, sometimes we all need a dose of reality.  If you're 5'2, 210 pounds, you don't look "just like Halle Berry." 

Folks with natural hair can have bad hair days too.  So, if on a bad hair day someone close to you asks, "What's going on with your kitchen?" or "How many koo - koo bugs does it take to make a 'fro?," keep your cool.  You may indeed look a hot mess. 

The point is, what do you see when you look in the mirror?  Listen to what you tell yourself and if what you tell yourself is just as negative as what your family and friends have/will say, the problem isn't them...it's you.

My hair is too thick, too thin, too nappy...
The "new-growth" that you feel is not always indicative of your "true" natural texture. Your new-growth’s overall appearance and feel is currently being affected by the chemicals you've been putting on your hair. Even after you cut your relaxed hair, your natural hair may need time to recover. You may not see and feel your true texture for some time because the first few inches of new-growth may be finer today and thicker or coarser tomorrow.

Or that wavy feeling may make you think you have "good hair," but virgin hair, the hair closest to your scalp, is often softer and healthier due to the fact that it hasn't had the opportunity to suffer from styling damage. 

The point is, unless you can recall what your hair felt like pre-relaxer, pre-chemicals, you never know until you know.  You may be fretting over the fact that your hair is too "nappy," too thin, too whatever... when in reality, you might be presently surprised by what's really sprouting from your scalp.

I myself stumbled upon natural hair.  I had a lil' incident post-braid extensions and had to cut my relaxed hair into a short bob.  Surprisingly, I loved the bob.  I'd never had short hair before that...I thought my face was too fat.  I found out how cute my ears were and that for my face, short-medium length hair is actually cuter than some lengthier styles (on me).  See, you never know until you know...

As the bob began to grow out I began wearing braids again.  I wore several sets of braid extensions for about 6-9 months before I decided to cut the relaxed ends and go natural.  Keep in mind, going natural was never the intention.  I decided to take the leap because my natural hair was so long at that point that even if being natural didn't work for me, I could relax it again and return to a cute bob.

When I cut my hair, I was very surprised.  That's me on the left.  My hair was not only EXTREMELY soft, but it had a looser coil than I expected.  I guess I grew up lucky.  My family never allowed us to grow up knowing the false negatives associated with our history of slavery.  Meaning, I didn't hear the liberal use of the word "nigga" until I went to college.  I knew what "high-yella" and "tar-baby" were but they were never uttered in my home.  I wasn't told that Black is Beautiful, but I wasn't told that it was ugly either.  My family raised us to be who we are...period.

So when I went natural and discovered that I could sport a wet-n-wavy look, I didn't feel blessed or cursed.  I didn't jump for joy because I had "not-bad hair."  My concern was about making my hair look its best...period.

Today, I have dreadlocks and ironically, the hair texture that made that wet-n-wavy possible creates tons of issues with my locks.  I've had locks for almost 8 years and it currently takes me approximately 9 hours every 2 weeks to wash and retwist my locks...who'd a thunk that?  And they say that locks are a lazy hair style.

Hopefully you're getting what I'm putting down.  Depending on which natural hair styles best suit you, having very coarse hair may be an asset like with the Afro, Finger-Twists or Dreadlocks or a liability as with wet-n-wavy styles.  Instead of thinking what you can not do, realize that there are plenty of options.  You actually get more versatility in styling your natural hair than you'd ever get with a relaxer.  With natural hair, the skies the limit.  With relaxed hair, you're pretty much stuck in the style your hair has been cut/styled into (unless you get a weave).  And oh yeah, weaves are possible with natural hair too.  Start thinking of the possibilities people...not the limitations.

I'll get fired.  I won't be able to get a job.  I'll have to wear a wig to interviews.
I have discovered since being natural that we tend to elevate others' opinions  Instead of getting our grown woman/man on, we allow our fears to consume us.  That’s not to say that negativity toward natural  doesn't exist, but like most things in life, it's all in how you work it and sometimes you have to compromise.  Would you wear a mini-skirt to a board meeting?  How about fish-net stockings?  Own a pair of heels?  When are they ever comfortable?  Would you wear sweat pants on a date?

My point is, we make adjustments in our appearance based on where we're going.  Where some clothing may be appropriate at the club, it's not in a work environment...unless you're a stripper.  The same goes for hair styles.  Some styles may indeed be unprofessional.  For example, some regard cornrows as unprofessional but braids are ok.  If you prescribe to this theory and are fearful of being fired, I guess you won't be wearing cornrows then.  But is that the end of the world?  You have options.  Use them.

Natural hair is as professional as you wanna make it.   Or look at it this way, if you're so professional, so together, then aren't you capable of figuring out how to "professionally" wear your hair?  Or do you only excel in endeavors that don't involve celebrating Ebony hair and skin?

naaniMODEL DreamyPisces After the Big Chop

I don't like the way natural hair looks.
As my teenage cousin would say, "you stupid."  No really, "you stupid."

I have Ebony female friends who all but spit whenever they see an Ebony man with a non-Ebony woman.  I myself can't blame the brotha.  Who wants to be with a woman who can't stand looking at herself in the mirror?

I don't want to be bald.  What if my hair doesn't grow?
Take a look at the photo to the right of naaniMODEL DreamyPisces.  Then check out the photo below.  We have tons of examples, some loosely curled, some coarse, but all demonstrate the FACT is natural hair does indeed grow.

Healthy hair grows an average of .5inches per month or 6inches per year.  Hair also goes through infrequent phases of excessive growth or none at all.  For example, some pregnant women experience increased growth while with child and extreme hair loss post-delivery. 

So what are you thinking now?
Hopefully, you're reevaluating your perception of natural hair.  Hopefully, the next time you see a Sista with natural hair you feel inspired rather than disgusted.  A natural hair journey can be the most freeing thing you'll ever do in your life.  Where many people who've never gone natural regard what sprouts from their head as "just hair," if they were really honest with themselves, they'd realize that it's not...not in this post-slavery culture.  If it were "just hair," most of us would be bald.