My cousin has been blessed with four beautiful daughters.  Over the years they've grown into some of the most intelligent and fiesty young ladies I've had the pleasure of knowing.  The oldest being 13, the youngest only 7, each child now has relaxed hair.

Seeing the pressure that comes with caring for four young girls, it's hardly any wonder why my cousin chose the kiddie Perm over allowing the children to remain au natural.  What's funny is, the age at which she chose to relax the girls' hair decreased in direct propotion to the number of children.

Now my cousin is great at doing hair.  When we were little, she was the first to grab a pair of scissors and begin snipping away at any doll she could get her hands on.  She had a knack for creating cute styles even then so by the time her first daughter was born, she was able to put her natural talents to work.

The oldest always had her hair done.  Whether it was pressed, braided, braids with extensions, cornrows, you name it, baby girl was rockin' her natural hair.  But as time went on, as more female members joined the family, the time my cousin spent caring for her daughters' hair had to be spread out and so, the Relaxer infiltrated their home.  Where the eldest got her first relaxer at age 8, the youngest experienced her first chemical treatment at the tender age of 5.

The irony of this situation is, the children still predominately sport braided or cornrowed styles with extensions.  Given that their hair lasts just as long with relaxed hair as it does with natural hair when braided, it makes one wonder what's the point?  I soon realized there was a deeper issue.  The matter of Texture and length, not just time, had come into play.

All but one of the girls has a very coarse texture of hair, making it difficult to comb quickly and leaving it more susceptible to damage when cared for improperly.  In addition, coarser textures bunch or curl onto itself to a larger degree, so although the hair may have a very high degree of elasticity, it's "true" length can only be realized via heat and/or chemical process.

Now before I go on, let's discuss elasticity.  Consider what happens when heat is added to naturally straight (White, Asian...non-kinky) hair?  Pretty much nothing.  Although heat in the form of a curling or flat-iron may "relax" naturally straight hair so that it lays straighter and flatter, in general, the overall length of the hair remains unchanged.  But what happens when you apply heat to African/Black hair?

An individual with 4 inches of natural Black hair may find that by hot-combing, they can actually "gain" an additional 2-3 inches of length.  By straightening out the kinks, Black hair appears longer and since many of us have been conditioned to covet length over hair health, instead of temporarily straightening it, we decide to perform the most ravaging process that one can do to hair...we relax.

Now I'm sure we're bound to get emails on this topic.  I already know that my favorites will be from non-Black mothers of adopted African children.  Over the years, we've received countless emails from these wonderful spirits who not only opened their hearts and homes to a child in need, but who in desperation wish to honour their children by keeping their hair natural despite the families lack of familiarity and understanding of black hair care concerns.  And then there's the other point of view....

Occasionally, we receive emails from a neurotic proponent of relaxed hair.  So before you all Press "SEND," listen up.  Facts are, the PH of your beloved relaxer is equivalent to that of Drano.  A toxic substance that works to dissolve stubborn sediments and remove hair from clogged drains.  So before you get in a tizzy, let's unclog this love of relaxers.

Sure, there's nothing wrong with relaxed hair as a style but if you choose to believe that it's ok to put a toxic substance on a small child scalp where their undeveloped brain resides over and over again in any form, in any fashion, for any reason...hmm, there are no word
s for you.  Close your browser, move on.

Don't let the header fool you.  The "beast" I'm referring to is not found in Nappy hair.  It's in our own psyche, our past and upbringing.

How many times have you heard a Black friend, colleague or even yourself say, "My hair won't do that."  Normally this phrase is used when comparing the individual's texture to loosely curled African/Black hair..."good" hair.

Listen, all Black hair is "good."  Isn't it?  Do we truly wish to leave our daughters with the impression from birth that there is something intrinsically wrong or "bad" about the way God made them?

The most common mistake that people make in caring for natural Black hair is in the desire to tame or control it.  We lay it back, slick it to the side, heat it, relax it, all but tear it out in an effort to make it less than itself.  We are choosing to lessen what God has bestowed upon us and sadly, we often unknowingly pass this self-degredation onto our children.

Stop fighting it.  Sometimes the battle is won before you even began so unless you enjoy drama, let it go.  Natural hair, no matter what its texture, needs to be free from the mental and chemical bondage that comes from our captive past.  The best way to do this is to just let it be.

Put down your comb.  If the comb doesn't want to go through the child's hair, why are you attempting to force it?  The hair isn't the problem, you're just not doing it right.  Besides, there are other, less harmful ways to achieive results you could've never imagined before.

When I was little, the most fun I had with my hair was right before my grandma or aunts sat me down to have it "done."  I loved running around with my hair free, loose and untamed.  The bows and barrets strewn across the room and there I stood in front of the mirror playing with my hair.  Sure, I probably looked crazy but today I realize, that some of the craziest natural styles, those with no form or function, jagged parts, masses and clumps, are actually just as cute, if not cuter than straight styles.

WET SETS:  Mom, put away your vats of Grease and opt instead for naanis' naturals No More Frizzies Aloe Vera Jelly or Styling Gel.  After shampooing, divide your child's hair into four sections.  You don't need a comb, just make four sections with your fingers.

Take some gel and begin working it from root to tip through your daughter's hair.  Continue to apply gel in increments working it all the while with your fingers.

Gradually, you will start to see her natural curls or wave pattern taking shape. Don't be afraid to add larger amounts of gel.  Sometimes it takes quite a bit to get the curls to act right.  If you use too much, just take a towel remove the excess, work the hair with your fingers and you're good to go.


STYLING IT: Now when you're done, what you'll end up with is a mass of semi-nappy, semi-wavy hair.  You can then choose to leave her hair as is which can be ultra-cute, add clips to secure it away from her face or use colorful headbands that cordinate with her outfit to create an Afro puff.  In addition, don't worry about heat setting.  The gel will air dry within a hour or two on its own.

The key with the natural hair Wet set or gel technique is all in the gel you use.  Some gels dry hard.  Leaving the hair crunchy and less natural looking.  One of the best gels I've found for this method can generally be found in any beauty supply store.  Although I can't remember the brand, the company that manufacturers it often produces the same gel for many different brand names.  I'm sure you've seen those gallon jugs of pink, green, blue gel on the lower shelf.  Buy a small jar and test it out.  The hair should dry slightly stiff, but not to the point where it crunches.