Ok so I have problems with letting go. I just realized this about myself. Letting go when it comes to men not all men but the ones I really care for even when they do crazy stuff to me my stupid behind overlooks it or continues to deal with them. What is wrong with me?

in short…you have a vagina. get rid of that and you’ll be cured. or…

there’s nothing wrong with having a good heart and caring about people who have come in and subsequently out of your life. i think what makes women different from men is that we are nurturers.

letting go is more about tough love than anything else. tough love for yourself and the object of your affection.

ask yourself, what would i do if (god forbid) one of my children were ever on drugs? at the point where you realize they are beyond lecturing and prayer, do you continue enabling? a lot of parents struggle with this. and the reality is, when you’re on the outside looking in, it’s easy to say that you wouldn’t do this/that. but when it’s your child struggling and your child that might be on the streets, what parent wouldn’t want to do everything to save them? even when they know that by helping them, they might be hurting them? how do you resist this urge to nurture?

my point is this, the men we love and care about can sometimes hurt us. whether that hurt is intentional or not, the continuation of that hurt is a choice. a difficult choice but a choice nonetheless. the question is, who’s making the choice? the parent or the child and which are you?

to save a drug addict, at some point you have to say “i will not help you kill yourself.” but not helping them die isn’t the same as not helping them live. when they are ready to give up the drugs, you will be there to help them recover. that could mean helping them get into treatment or going to al-anon meetings. it doesn’t mean taking their word for it that they’ll be clean and letting them move back in. that’s just you being a fool and enabling.

in terms of a man/situation you can’t let go of, you may feel like the nurturer but in reality, you’re the child. you’re the addict.

it’s not the man in question’s job to heal/help/save you. it’s not his duty to help you get over him. if you want to be better, you have to choose to be better. you have to choose to let go of the addiction. so, when you’re ready to let go of him, you will. and until then, suffer.

i dunno, i think we make it more difficult than it is. in the case of drugs, you live or you die. in the case of men, you are alone and miserable or you’re single. either way, being clean/single after an addiction doesn’t guarantee happiness. it does however leave you open to the possibility of being healthy, happy and finding real love.